Brats OR "arggh! I'm lucky the pirate!"

Every couple of semesters my English classes all read a story called "Brat" from the "True Stories" series of readers. This story is about a "worlds biggest brat" contest that was held several years ago. It features, for example, a little girl that sticks an ice cream sandwich in the VCR, flushes her mother's wedding ring down the toilet and fills the gas tank on the family car with water. Another little boy goes crazy with the scissors whenever his family is sleeping: he cut off half of his fathers mustache, his brothers eyebrows, and most of his mother's hair.

We just read this story in one of my classes, and it always reminds me of a certain annecdote from my childhood. So, after reading the story, and discussing any brats we have ever known, I tell my class that I was a perfect little angel. After my class stops laughing, and protesting, I finally admit that, "well, there was one time..."

And here's what happened.

Sometime around fourth or fifth grade, I got it into my head that I had more important things to do than whatever boring stuff we'd be doing in school that day. So, that morning, I said bye to my Mom and Dad, and I walked out to get on the bus. However, when the bus came, I didn't get on it, I hid in some bushes instead. After my parents had left for work, I went back inside, and thought about what glorious non-school related activity I wanted to do first. Well, I decided that I had some important work to do on a model airplane that had been sitting on the closet shelf for too long. So, I made myself a glass of chocolate milk, and got to work.

Now, let me tell you something about model glue: it's really sticky stuff.

I must have somehow gotten some of that glue on the back of my hand, because at some point, I carelessly rubbed my eye, and I knew that I had a problem when, to my surprise, it wouldnt' open back up.

"Oh crap! I glued my eye shut, the good times are over"

I tried to flush my eye out with water, but I still couldn't get the damn thing open-- I knew I had to make the call:

Me: (sobbing) Mommy, I had an accident.
Mom: what happened?!
Me: Um, I glued my eye shut.
Mom: Well, don't worry, I'll come right to school and pick you up.
Me: (long silence) Um, I'm not at school...


Needless to say, I got in a little trouble for that one....

On the bright side, I DID get to wear an eye patch for the next two weeks. Ah, for those two weeks, Lucky the pirate was the coolest kid in the class.