Innocent When We Dream

Speaking of the conflict between our public and private selves....

I'm getting near done with the novel I've been writing for a couple of years now. Though I'm taking a brief break from writing, the novel is now fully conceptualized and mapped out and it's about 300 pages right now-- I still have a couple of important scenes to write, including the climax, but those are already fully imagined in my noggin. But basically, I expect to have a draft to burden willing friends and loved ones with by the end of the year (if I can get a break from singing work....) And, I'm really enjoying writing it- or rather, watching it write itself at this point. For a long time, I wasn't entirely happy with how the initial idea was playing out as it grew in complexity-- then quite suddenly, everything just fell into place, so that almost every word is a reflection of the 1 deep theme. I like my characters. They surprise me. But most of all, I feel like I wish someone else would write this story, because I'm really excited about reading it.

When I started this book, it was a sort of Zen Meta-technique to free my singing from the burden of self criticism. Like a straw man for the inner bully: "hey me, look over there-- that piece of garbage really sucks!"

But now, I think I might try to get it published.

Which brings back the conflict. Basically, I satirize just about everything in crass fashion. So I'm wondering about the consequences of having my name on it.

Is it different because it's fiction? There are a lot of people who put their names on controversial works of art....

And what about what I say on this blog? Where is the line of acceptability for public discourse? Our society's unquestionable "givens", Emotion, Sex, the inner machinations of human instinct? I once heard a famous singing coach explain the subtext of an art song to a class by explaining that "I think we all have rape fantasies, that's what a lot of music is, a metaphor for rape fantasy."

What about the "just plain weird?"

Now believe me, it was completely a-sexual, but last night I had this dream ( I blame this on the video for "Danger! High Voltage!".... All I can remember is this: I discovered I could tell the future with my penis, and I was really envious of Ted Danson, because his penis was a better, erm, divining rod than mine.

Just remember what Tom Waits says:

"We're innocent when we dream, when we dream we're innocent..."